Darwin’s Legacy


In 1849 Charles Darwin invented the monkey. This was part of a larger plan to destroy the Catholic Church. By 1854, he had assembled an army of 500 monkeys and given them typewriters with the express purpose of generating a document that would destroy the Bible. He locked them in a room for three years, and by the end, they had produced by random chance a document called “The Sporigen of the Ecies,” which Darwin edited, and claimed as his own work.

After years of commercial success, he got funds to dump massive amounts of dirt into the Atlantic, thereby producing what he called “The Galapagos Islands.” These he populated by adapting well known animals like the turtle to different habitats, thereby, according to him, proving evolution.

Years before, Darwin had invented a tool called Natural Selection, whereby he could turn one species into the other without anyone noticing. For years he experimented by turning different kinds of bird beaks into each other before he finally managed to turn his pet dog which he simply called “The Beagle” into a massive turtle which he called “Galapogos,” which, translated into Spanish, means “What used to be my dog but is going to be on an Island I Make.”

Later Darwin tried to assemble a large laboratory with a machine that projected a massive Natural Selection ray, which he pointed at himself. This turned him into a Christian, but he again rejected his faith.

In 1892 he died while trying to assemble an army of locomoting Venus – Flytraps which would invade to Vatican and abduct Pope Pius the X. One of the flytraps turned his “Millions of Years” machines at him, and he was suddenly aged 3 million years just in time.